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Dec. 14 2009 — 12:14 am | 122 views | 0 recommendations | 1 comment

Holy Jihad, Batman! Al-Qaeda Offers Condolences?

Holy jihad, Batman!

Did Al-Qaeda just officially offer condolences to innocent civilians murdered by their stupid acts of terrorism?

Well, sort of…

According to CNN, Adam Gadahn- also known as ‘Azzam the American’- appeared in a 17-minute video released on Islamist online forums late Friday, offering condolences to the families of innocent people killed in Al-Qaeda attacks.

“We express our condolences to the families of the Muslim men, women and children killed in these criminal acts…” he says in the video.

Wait a minute. Did a member of Al-Qaeda just admit that their acts of terrorism are ‘criminal acts’?

Well, that’s a first, indeed.

 Image released by al Qaeda-linked group on January 6, 2008 purportedly shows Adam Gadahn. (Courtesy of CNN)

Image released by Al-Qaeda-linked group on January 6, 2008 purportedly shows Adam Gadahn. (Courtesy of CNN)

Furthermore, he stated that Al-Qaeda “also expresses the same in regard to the unintended Muslim victims of the mujahedeen’s operations against the crusaders and their allies and puppets, and to the countless faceless and nameless Muslim victims of the murderous crusades” in Afghanistan, Pakistan’s Waziristan regions and Swat Valley, he continued.

CNN rightfully noted that, “It is a rare example of Al-Qaeda offering condolences to the families of those killed in the group’s own attacks.”

Well, sort of…

The Combating Terrorism Center at West Point recently released a stunning report which found that Muslims have accounted for 85 percent of total casualties from Al-Qaeda attacks between 2004-2008. Even more astounding, during the last two years of the study (2006-2008), the percentage of Al-Qaeda’s murdered victims who were Muslim skyrocketed to an almost-unbelievable 98 percent.

Using that math, this means that Al-Qaeda is apologizing to 85-98% of total innocent civilians murdered by their ‘criminal’ and ungodly acts of terrorism.

Even so, this is still not good enough.

They still need to apologize to the remaining 2-15% of non-Muslim innocent men, women and children murdered by Al-Qaeda (and their franchisees) in places like Bali, Madrid and London throughout the years.

This is because Islam forbids the wanton murder of ANY innocent human being, regardless of whether they are Muslim or not.

So although it is a significant gesture that Al-Qaeda has now officially ‘apologized’ to 85-98% of their innocent civilian victims, they still need to completely disavow the murderous violence of their terrorist criminal enterprise and apologize to the remaining 2-15% of the non-Muslim civilian victims who have been brutally murdered by their terrorist cohorts in places like Bali, Madrid and London.

Until that beautiful (and unlikely) day, Al-Qaeda and their brainless zombie pawns will continue to be an enemy to all of mankind.

Dec. 11 2009 — 3:20 pm | 194 views | 1 recommendations | 2 comments

The 5 ‘Wanna-Be’ Terrorists: Wake-Up Call for Our Muslim Youth

Dude…You have got to be kidding me…

With the recent arrest of five young American Muslims in Sargodha, Pakistan on alleged charges of terrorism by Pakistani authorities, many of the over 7 million American Muslims were collectively groaning and rolling our eyes whilst saying:

“Are you kidding me? Thanks a lot, you idiots…”

A recent CNN article noted that the potential radicalization of American Muslim teenagers has now become known as “jihadi cool,” a term coined by author/psychiatrist (and former CIA official) Dr. Marc Sageman.

“The path for a lot of these kids is essentially like at-risk gangbangers, who want to ’stand up’ for their community, to address grievances of the global Muslim community more effectively than they’ve seen the elder generation address them since 9/11.”

Many professional ‘de-radicalizers’ have said that the great majority of these young men have little sense of what they are doing. They are “extremely shallow theologically and even ideologically.”pakistanmugshots

Furthermore, the absurdity of this most-recent story came from the fact that they tried to ‘hook up’ with two Pakistani militant groups — Jaish-e-Mohammed and the Jamaat ud Dawa — but neither group showed any interest in these wanna-be ‘jang-bangers’ (my newly-coined amalgamated term for ‘jihadi’ and ‘gang-banger’) .

I guess these wanna-be ‘jang-bangers’ should have taken off their NBA jerseys and/or New York Yankees hats…Good grief…

First of all, as someone who has actually driven through Sargodha, Pakistan, I can assure you that these dumb-asses were probably not there for any leisurely sight-seeing or to ‘chill’ during a vacation.

That would be like going to Compton for Spring Break.

Forget Sargodha, Pakistan…You knuckleheads should go to Compton first and see how long you wanna-be ‘jang bangers’ would last there.

Not very long, I promise you.

To any ‘wanna-be’ jang bangers out there; you want to help your community?

Put down your XBOX 360, turn off the over-militaristic ‘Halo 3′ video game and go feed the homeless in a soup kitchen.

That is Islam, my friends.

Not 5 young idiotic hot-heads seduced by Internet extremist propaganda to become brainless zombie pawns on Osama’s sinister death-laden chessboard.

The one major silver lining for this case was that the concept of ‘community policing’ works very well in America today.

CNN highlighted the fact that the young men’s families went directly to their mosques and Muslim civil rights organizations on the morning of December 1st, shortly after discovering their sons were missing.

Furthermore, the families and organizations became more disturbed when they had also discovered a disturbing video posted by one of them.

The groups then “contacted a Muslim community organization involved in de-radicalization efforts”, the director of that organization said to CNN.

The de-radicalizer and Muslim organizations then contacted the FBI and worked closely with U.S. authorities to locate the men. FBI agents then interviewed family members of the missing men in northern Virginia and young Muslims living in the area.

CNN further noted that “the Muslim community in northern Virginia was very cooperative” in immediately reporting this suspicious activity to the FBI.

This sad case study should give all wanna-be terrorists severe pause and they should remember this promise from the American Muslim community:

You will NOT be given any sanctuary within our mosques, community centers and Islamic schools…

For anyone plotting to do any stupid criminal act which would result in the death of even ONE human life, the American Muslim community will pick up our phones so fast and call the FBI that you will not even be able to utter the words ‘Osama bin Laden’ three times in a row before the handcuffs are slapped on your limp wrists.

Because that is our civic duty as proud patriotic Americans and also our religious obligations as loving, practicing and peaceful Muslims.

Dec. 7 2009 — 2:07 am | 168 views | 0 recommendations | 2 comments

Tiger Woods: Domestic Abuse Double-Standard?

In terms of marital fidelity, Tiger Woods is apparently a two-timing cheating douchebag; which must be stated explicitly off-the-bat.

Notwithstanding his gigantic marital ’shank-o-potamus’ infidelity woes, the one majorly-overlooked legal aspect of the recent Tiger Woods salacious saga is the legal debate on the potential ‘domestic abuse’ implications of this case.

With more and more women coming forward about their alleged trysts with Tiger- including an $8-an-hour diner waitress at a local Perkin’s restaurant in Florida- it is becoming more and more clear that Tiger is not the ‘golden boy’ that his PR team has spent diligently trying to create and protect.

Because not only has he cheated on his wife, but he has also cheated on his two young children: Daughter Sam Alexis (2 years old) and his even younger 10-month-old son Charlie Axel.

You cheat on your wife; you cheat on your babies.

Simply put; marital infidelity of any kind against your spouse (and your children) is completely inexcusable; but ‘domestic violence’ of any kind is also equally inexcusable in our American legal system, regardless of the gender of the abuser.

For those of us in the universe who have seen this HILARIOUS animated ‘re-creation’ of the Tiger Woods saga below by Taiwanese television, there are two possible ‘animated’ scenarios about what transpired that one infamous evening in question:

(HINT: You do NOT have to speak a word of Chinese to love and appreciate the absurdity of this YouTube video)

Now, moving on to the law in Florida relating to ‘domestic abuse’ and spousal violence…

Notwithstanding the fact that millions of people may (rightfully) believe that Tiger had deserved ‘to get his ass whooped’ for his many marital transgressions; let’s flip the script for one moment and imagine that it was his wife Elin who had been hypothetically cheating on Tiger and that her hypothetical facial lacerations/injuries were caused when Tiger had beaten the crap out of her with a golf club after finding out about her extra-marital affairs and cheating.

In that hypothetical flipping-of-the-script, would any of us be talking about the steamy details about her lovers?

Would we be talking about dumb-ass text messages and voicemails that she may have sent to her lovers in this hypothetical scenario?


Let’s be honest; we would ONLY be talking about domestic abuse and how the police should throw Tiger’s ass in jail for ‘domestic violence” for beating his wife with a golf club and causing those injuries.

This is where our American ‘domestic abuse’ double-standard may come into play.

You see; because of Florida’s very strict domestic-violence laws, admitting to the police “that [his wife Elin] Nordegren in any way harmed him would virtually guarantee that the glamorous Elin would be led out of their mansion in handcuffs, even if he protested it…”

In 1991, Florida became one of many states to set up a pro-arrest policy in domestic-violence cases. For years, women’s rights advocates had complained that police treated domestic-violence cases as “private family matters” and assumed the abused spouse (usually women) would never follow through and press charges against their abusers.

Let us also remember; there have been scores of men who have also been victims of domestic abuse from their crazy-ass violent abusive wives and girlfriends.tiger1

Although the overwhelming majority of domestic abusers are certainly men, let us also not forget the much-smaller (but equally-reprehensible) pantheon of celebrity female abusers:

Tawny Kitaen, the chick from the Whitesnake videos charged in 2002 with committing domestic violence against her then-husband major league baseball pitcher Chuck Finley of the California (now Anaheim) Angels; the infamous Tonya Harding, the ex-Olympic ice skater who allegedly threw a hubcap at her former boyfriend; Ms. Kim Mathers (the slightly-demented true love of Eminem); and Mrs. Brynn Hartman, the wife of legendary Saturday Night Live comedian Phil Hartman, who murdered him in their marital bed and then killed herself in May 1998.

And of course, Mrs. Lorena Bobbitt; who became famous in the annals of human history for cutting off the ‘Tiger Wood’ of her husband and then subsequently tossing it out of her car window during a leisurely drive.

So again; let’s hypothetically flip the script for a moment.

If Elin had hypothetically cheated on Tiger instead and it was found out that he had beaten the crap out of her with a golf club, would we as a society be obsessed with her fictitious extra-marital lovers and saying that she probably ‘deserved’ the beating?

Again…Hell no.

We would rightfully be throwing Tiger’s ass in jail for ‘domestic abuse’ and seeing his mug-shot within our global cyberspace with the magical (and seemingly ubiquitous) TMZ.com watermark circulating through our viral airwaves.

Yes; anyone who cheats on their spouse (and their own children) is a douchebag; you will never see any debate here.

But, if it is officially found out that his wife beat the crap out of him; then why the domestic abuse ‘double-standard’?

If women and men are truly equal, then shouldn’t potential ‘domestic abusers’ of both genders be treated equally under the law as well?

Or do we as Americans only consider it ‘domestic abuse’ when a man beats the living crap out of his wife?

And not vice versa.

Dec. 1 2009 — 2:55 pm | 64 views | 1 recommendations | 14 comments

Dude, Where’s My Anti-War President?

In the words of my favorite legendary ESPN sports anchor (and fellow Buffalo Bills fan) Chris ‘The Swami’ Berman:

“Come on, Man!”

As someone who has been to the region and actually flown directly over the Durand Line (the 1,600-mile-long border between Pakistan and Afghanistan) nearly a dozen or so times in my life thus far, I am still sighing and scratching my head as to why President Barack Obama (who ran on an anti-war platform) would officially announce an additional 30,000 troops in his speech this evening at West Point Academy for the war in Afghanistan; which is known quite well to all knowledgeable global observers simply as the ‘Graveyard of Empires’.

Historically well-known around the world to global observers as the ‘Graveyard of Empires’, the central Asian feudal nation-state of Afghanistan has successfully cast off the historical imperialist likes of Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan (and the Mongol empire), the British Victorian colonial empire and most recently, the USSR Soviet communist empire, who were embarrassingly defeated by the Afghan mujahideen during the entire decade of the 1980s.

“No outside force has, since the Mongol invasion, ever pacified the entire country [of Afghanistan]…Even Alexander the Great only passed through,” once noted former U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger in an October 2009 article for Newsweek magazine on the historical and regional importance of Afghanistan within our greater geopolitical context.

Dear Mr. President: Welcome to the 'Graveyard of Empires'

Dear Mr. President: Welcome to the 'Graveyard of Empires'

As a strategic geographical crossroads within Central Asia, from its invasion by “Genghis Khan and his two-million strong Mongol hordes to the superpower proxy war [during the 1980s] between the United States and the Soviet Union, Afghanistan’s trade routes and land-locked position in the middle of the region have for centuries rendered it vulnerable to invasion by external powers.”

According to an official 2009 CATO Institute ‘white paper’ policy briefing on Afghanistan: “Although Afghanistan has endured successive waves of Persian, Greek, Arab, Turk, Mongol, British, and Soviet invaders, no occupying power has ever successfully conquered it…There’s a reason why it has been described as the ‘graveyard of empires’, and unless America scales down its objectives, it risks meeting a similar fate…

Moving onto the overly-corrupt Hamid Karzai: “Without a legitimate and credible Afghan partner, that counterinsurgency strategy is fundamentally flawed. The current Afghan government is neither legitimate nor credible,” said Democratic Senator Paul Kirk of Massachusetts on the blatantly-corrupt Afghan government.

He added: “We should not send a single additional dollar in aid or add a single American serviceman or woman to the 68,000 already courageously deployed in Afghanistan until we see a meaningful move by the Karzai regime to root out its corruption.”

Seriously, Mr. President.

If Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, the British and USSR Soviet Communist Empire could not successfully conquer Afghanistan, do we really think that an eight-year-old war started by a dyslexic rodeo clown named George W. Bush and his Darth Vader puppet-master named Dick Cheney could ever be a winning endeavor?

Thus, you do not have to be a rocket scientist to know that placing a ‘double-down’ on a pair of ‘Afghan Eights’ will end up ‘busting’ our bank; both literally and figuratively.

Simply put; just because a ’surge’ worked in Iraq does not mean a ’surge’ will work in Afghanistan. With the only commonality being that these are both Muslim nations, comparing foreign policy strategies between these two countries would be the moral equivalient of saying that what is good for California would automatically be good for Vermont.

Mr. President, just like Dan Quayle was famously told in a 1988 vice-presidential debate that he “was no Jack Kennedy”; I can also assure you tonight, sir, that Afghanistan is no Iraq.

Thus, with two ongoing (and seemingly never-ending) wars in both Iraq and Afghanistan, until we see our new President concretely trying to end these wars started by a pro-war hawkish administration, over 66.8 million Americans who voted for ‘change that we can believe in’ will be left wondering the following simple question:

“Dude…Where’s my anti-war president?”

Nov. 30 2009 — 11:54 pm | 67 views | 0 recommendations | 3 comments

Hey Switzerland: We Don’t Need Your Minarets

First of all: Yes, it was indeed a slap in the face to Swiss (and European) Muslims that a recent ‘popular referendum’ vote backed primarily by right-wing nationalist parties was approved by 57.5 percent of the population Sunday; forcing the government to “declare illegal the building of any new [mosque] minarets” in Switzerland.

According to reports, the ‘referendum’ does “not affect the country’s four existing minarets”.

So much for being a ‘neutral’ country, Switzerland…Well done…

Secondly; let us also remember that the sociopolitical concept of a ‘popular referendum’ is where you allow the general population to vote on what becomes enacted as law, even though they may have no idea (or little regard) for what could very possibly be the infringing of basic human or constitutional rights.

For example; had ’slavery’ or ‘inter-racial marriage’ been put to the ‘popular referendum’ vote here in the United States, you can bet your sweet little Swiss watch that we could very well have seen blacks being regarded as 3/5ths of a human being and slavery go well into the 20th century here in America.

Either way, this is where the concept of ‘human rights’ comes into play in this latest Swiss Minaret merry-go-round.

The Council of Europe immediately said that banning “new minarets in Switzerland raises concerns as to whether fundamental rights of individuals, protected by international treaties, should be subject to popular votes.”

Anti-Minaret Political Poster in Switzerland

Anti-Minaret Political Poster in Switzerland

Furthermore, the statement by the 47-nation council’s secretary-general, Thorbjorn Jagland, suggests “a case may be made to seek a ruling by the European Court of Human Rights condemning Switzerland for violating freedom of expression, freedom of religion and prohibition of discrimination” in this latest vote by Swiss citizens.

Swiss Justice Minister Eveline Widmer-Schlumpf noted that the minaret ban would come into force immediately, but also indicated that the higher European court could strike down the Sunday vote, which incurred swift condemnation at home and abroad for banning the towers used to put out the Islamic call to prayer.

For example, French Foreign Minister Mr. Bernard Kouchner said he was “a bit scandalized” by the vote, which amounts to “oppressing a religion.”

“I hope that the Swiss will go back on this decision rather quickly,” Mr. Kouchner said on France’s RTL radio.

“It is an expression of intolerance, and I detest intolerance.”

The most recent Swiss Minaret issue seems to be the work of right-wing xenophobic anti-immigrant political parties within Switzerland. Although the Swiss government was officially ‘against’ this proposed referendum,  many observers note that this referendum was the work of the right-wing Swiss People’s Party (SVP) political group.

Furthermore, it is equally noteworthy that the voting results of this minaret referendum have been welcomed by leaders of other radical right-wing groups within Europe; such as Heinz-Christian Strache, leader of the radical-right Austrian Freedom Party, and Marine Le Pen, vice-president of France’s National Front (and daughter of France’s far-right jingoiste extraordinaire, the infamous Jean-Marie Le Pen).

Supporters of the minaret ban said the number of Muslims in Switzerland had grown sharply from 50,000 in 1980, but it is still only 4 percent of the 7.5 million Swiss population, many of whom are not even active or practicing Muslims.

According to reports, Western Europe has an estimated 14 million Muslims proudly calling Europe their home today.

As a silver lining, the Vatican and the greater Roman Catholic Church, however, condemned the Swiss vote.

Monsignor Antonio Maria Veglio, a Vatican official with the Pontifical Council on Migrants, told the Italian news agency ANSA that he shared the position taken by Swiss bishops who called the vote a “hard blow to religious freedom and immigration.”

Overnight, opponents of the minaret ban lit candles in front of the Swiss parliament in Bern and hung up banners saying “This is not my Switzerland.”

Thanks for the sentiment, Switzerland.

Either way, European Muslims do not need your minarets in order to continue being proud members of the European Union.

Although a direct political slap in the face to its Swiss Muslim citizens, European Muslims should politically turn the other cheek and continue to peacefully pray in their mosques (sans minarets), continue to give money to the poor, help their local civic communities, serve on city council’s and proudly embrace their citizenship and identity as proud Europeans.

Even if Europe does not embrace them back.

So, if the genteel and ‘neutral’ Swiss people voted this silly anti-Muslim referendum based on the political platforms of the aforementioned right-wing xenophobic political parties, it simply reminds me of this famous European proverb:

“With friends like these…Who needs enemies?”

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    About Me

    Arsalan is an international human rights lawyer and founder of TheMuslimGuy.com

    Additionally, Arsalan is also a regular weekly contributor for the 'Barbershop' segment for the National Public Radio (NPR) Show "Tell Me More with Michel Martin" and he is also a featured contributor for CNN Anderson Cooper 360.

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