While I’ll still be following the rest of the True/Slant’ers and interviewing them about this and that; this is my last post.

I hope you all have enjoyed the vaccination fights, the work/life, mom/dad balance rants, the sex talks and the completely random thoughts as much as I have.

True/Slant has an amazing community of writers and I could spend all day here. Alas, I’ve got to go figure out how many books and toys to pack vs. how many to hoard and pull out when the mid-flight meltdown happens. And it will happen.

Happy trails everyone! Thanks so much for reading.

Never fear, though. Slutty, single, low-income moms are nothing if not resourceful. I brought my premature baby (all five pounds of her) home from the hospital to an SRO hotel in the Tenderloin.

My daughter didn’t come home to a crib or a nursery. But you know what? She didn’t seem to notice. Perhaps cribs and nurseries are more for parents than for babies. Hmmmmmm.

Anyway, I did manage to find some cardboard cut-outs of Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, and Piglet to tape to the walls. But my daughter was much more fascinated by my face and voice than by any baby toys or cutesy decorations.

Feeding her was cheap and easy. My breasts pumped out a steady supply of milk. Feeding myself was a bit trickier. It’s quite a hike from the Tenderloin to Whole Foods, especially with a baby strapped to your chest. But we managed.

via Ho Mama! A Blog for Slutty, Single, Low-income Moms – big fat trauma queen – Open Salon.

This is just a smidgen of the Ho Mama! wisdom. Other highlights include: being kicked out of her apartment while pregnant, multiple marriages not in conjunction with the getting knocked up and homelessness! Good times.

A new genetic test by 23andMe will test your families spit for only $499 and let you know your child’s chances for inherited diseases, IQ and more!

Can I tell you how much I want this test? But not necessarily for my kids, for myself. As my parents age, I’d kind of love to know whether I’m at a higher risk of developing either one’s particular conditions and find out if there are things I can be doing, eating or smoking to help stave off the more unpleasant varieties. (Assuming we’re going to be able to dodge the health insurance bullet of the “pre-existing” condition.”)

Of course if it were suddenly $49 instead of $499 I’d have one done for my entire family. I love how genetics are getting more and more layperson friendly every day. I realize aside from practicing healthy habits – which we should really be doing anyway – there’s little we can do about inheriting a disease. As Joel Stein, author of the Time piece that brought this crazy new possibility to my attention says, would it make a difference who decides to reproduce with you if there’s a risk your kid will get a particularly bad trait of yours? Not likely.

Feeling guilty, I asked Cassandra if she would have never married me if, on our first date, she had collected my spit in a more scientific manner than she did. But Cassandra said she likes that I have different genes, arguing that when, for instance, Jews procreate with other Jews, they increase their kid’s; risk for breast cancer and Tay-Sachs. “I always wanted to procreate with someone outside my gene pool because I think you get a more beautiful and genetically superior baby,” she said. “I was hoping for a black guy, but I got a Jew.” Right then I felt grateful both for Cassandra and for the fact that she didn’t put that in our wedding vows. I just hope Laszlo didn’t inherit her mouth.

via Anxiety of Influence – TIME.

Danish-Norwegian artist Nina Maria Kleivan has chosen a graphic way of exploring the subject of evil. Kleivan, who herself was raised by a Norwegian father who had spent time in a German prison camp, dressed her baby daughter Faustina up as some of the most evil figures in the twentieth century and photographed her for an art project.

via Artist photographs baby daughter as Hitler – Judy Mandelbaum – Open Salon.

And I felt a little bad dressing up my son as a leprechaun because today is his birthday.

I’m not sold on her disclaimer that everyone has evil in them, even little children. I think what struck me, in an artistic sense, was the juxtaposition of innocent baby as evil dictator. Which made me think, which means . . . it’s art?

Check out the photos at Nina Kleivan’s website and tell me what you think.

Powerful statement? Or despicable?

I sat down with Calhoun to discuss the new book, and those favorite and frightening parenting topics that make people froth at the mouth: Vaccines, Food, Home Ec, Baby Boomers and those other crazy parents. She obliged.

Why aren’t parents listening to their pediatricians?

It’s funny because my son’s pediatrician  — that was my pediatrician when I was a little kid — was saying that what happened in the ‘60s was a move away from any authority at all. It’s okay to be against people who are authoritarian and try to boss you around but to take that, and then be against all authority because they’re in charge, is not right.

He does think it’s true that a lot of doctors do alienate people because they can be very condescending. So when you have Jenny McCarthy or someone really touchy-feely on the other side saying, “I’ll listen to you,” of course that’s more appealing. I think people would rather live in a bubble if it were going to keep them from getting up in the morning without feeling despair.

Why is food so contentious?

We’re in such a luxurious position right now where we have all these options. There are ten different kinds of apples you can buy. They’re all different colors, they’re local and they’re organic. It’s ridiculous. They range in price from 5 cents to $12 for an apple. Everybody has so many more choices right now. I think it makes people crazy having that many choices.

Do you buy organic?

I try to. I don’t always because of the money. I believe in organic farming. I’m not totally convinced that we can get rid of some of the modern conveniences involved in producing large amounts of food. As a priority, feeding the planet is more important than one kid getting the perfect locavore grape grown on a rooftop in Queens.

If your son has a party, will you try to be conscientious of your neighbors and their food issues?

It’s one thing if you know a kid has a peanut allergy. You just don’t break out the peanut butter and jelly because that’s homicide. But in general, pickiness is something you don’t want to foster. If it’s life threatening I’ll bend over backwards to find the gluten-free cupcakes. But if it’s just a question of things having to be from a specific valley or field of organic perfection . . . you just can’t do that.

Why are the Baby Boomer Grandparents so different than the previous generations?

They were breaking free of this ‘50s idea of duty and responsibility and family. In some ways it was great. A lot of strides were made in the feminist movement. But the downside is you’re moving away from a sense of duty with the family. Divorce was huge when we were kids.

Also they’re busy because they’re still working. We’re in a recession and a lot of time they have their own really busy lives. They don’t necessarily have the time their parents had to kick back with the kids because they’re still working.

It seems that there is a return, with Generation X, to traditionalism and really valuing the family.

You recommended we all take a HomeEc class. Today DIY and home cooking is really big and for some reason, it doesn’t feel sexist. Why is that?

I think it’s a question of it being an obligation versus it being a choice. There’s a lot of pleasure in cooking dinner for your family. But it’s way more of a pleasure if you came up with the idea, and went shopping with your own money, and bought your own food. It’s not fun if it’s a social obligation where you have to have dinner on the table by five o’clock or you get yelled at. It’s the taking back of the pleasure of the domestic arts.

Men also are cooking a lot more and spending a lot more time with the kids. There’s nothing intrinsically sexist or oppressive about making dinner or cleaning the house. These are things that have to get done.

What else would you say if you could write an entire book about this generation and marriage?

The only helpful marriage advice is to find every way you can to decrease the pressure. For us it was moving to a much smaller, rent-stabilized apartment and decreasing our overhead in a huge way. Never cut date night. Going to the movies is an investment in your marriage. That $20 is not frivolous. Better put it there, than the IRA.

You advocate taking the kids along when you can. What is your position on babies in bars?

It’s a question of context. There’s a beer garden near me and in the early hours there are kids running around eating sausages while their parents have a beer. I think that’s very civilized. Nobody is coming there at six o’clock to pick someone up and get loaded. So it’s not like they’re getting cock blocked by toddlers. I think in those circumstances it’s totally fine.

I do think there’s been this weird push for babies in bars like, “We are an oppressed minority! We adults with children want to be allowed!” This is not a lunch counter situation. If you have a two-year-old and want to get out of the house I totally appreciate that; but that does not make you an oppressed people. You do not have the right to storm places and let the kid pour all the sugar out on the table in the name of you getting out of the house.

What’s the craziest example of the extreme pressured parent you’ve seen?

We were at the Union Square playground and these two little boys — I think they were twins — probably a year and a half old were sitting in this tire thing, perfectly happy. Then this mother comes over and was like, “Jackson, Cassidy!” (Not their real names.) “Okay, what are we going to do now? Should I go get hot dogs? Or should we go get hot dogs together?”

I got this vibe like it was because she’d read something about how you have to give toddlers options because it makes them feel empowered. I think that’s often true but these kids were totally zoned out they could not have cared less about what they were doing. They were perfectly happy. And she kept it up, “Do you want to go on the swings? We could go on the swings? Or we could get hot dogs.” Then the father kneels down next to her and says, “Cassidy! Jackson! Answer your mother! Swings. Hot dogs. Hot dogs? Hot dogs?” These perfectly content little kids! They do not care. Just go buy some fucking hot dogs.

It seemed to me like it was about putting all this power in the kid’s hands to determine what was going to happen in the name of making things easier. But it was making things so stressful. They were hinging their whole day on the whims of these two kids! I just thought, “What if one says swings and the other one says hot dogs? What do you do?” You’re going to be screwed.

What’s strange about the hed, is that the rest of the piece was an accurate description of what goes on in the mommy blogger world. The way moms are making money and building an audience on the web and what PR and marketing people are focusing on and how the relationship works. All very civilized, with the exception of this graf that makes fun of baby names and assumes that work-at-home moms are just looking for some “latte money.”

Whereas so-called mommy blogs were once little more than glorified electronic scrapbooks, a place to share the latest pictures of little Aidan and Ava with Great-Aunt Sylvia in Omaha, they have more recently evolved into a cultural force to be reckoned with. Embellished with professional graphics, pithy tag lines and labels like “PR Friendly,” these blogs have become a burgeoning industry generating incomes ranging from $25 a month in what one blogger called “latte money” to, for a very elite few, six figures.

via Honey, Don’t Bother Mommy. I’m Too Busy With My Blog and Building My Brand. – NYTimes.com.

Let’s just reverse the gender and change the occupation to environmentalist. Would the headline read “Honey, Don’t Bother Daddy. I’m Too Busy With My Tree Saving and Ozone Rebuildling?” So. What occupation should a mom have that won’t get her made fun of in a national publication?

Hardly new, wraps and other types of baby carriers are traditional in many parts of the world, and Western versions have been used in North America and Europe for decades. But lately, “wearing” one’s baby has taken on a certain cachet, with celebrities like Brad Pitt and Keri Russell pictured in star-gazing magazines and blogs with their babies strapped to their bodies. Upscale versions of the traditional baby carrier are sold in stores from SoHo to Santa Monica, Calif.

ON a breezy afternoon last week, a steady stream of women cruised through Metro Minis, an airy boutique on Park Avenue in Manhattan, which opened in 2007 and has since become the city’s hub for young mothers who collect baby carriers the way some women collect handbags.

via Baby’s Snuggled in a Sling, but Safe? – NYTimes.com.

Sure there are die-hard attachment parents who shun those who would not wear their baby and dare to slip them in a stroller. But the popularity of slings in a metropolis like NYC seems very simple to me – you can’t carry a stroller up and down the subway steps without pulling something in your groin. Sidewalks are narrow, store aisles even more so and a stroller is not always the best way to navigate the city. And even celebrities are capable of understanding the logistics of a city street. But somehow the benign decision on how to get about town with a baby is turned into a debate.

Still, a certain strain of conscientious parent has become devoted to baby carriers lest Junior suffer detachment prompted by a stroller. Indeed, in some precincts of the baby-wearing faithful, parents boast of rarely using a stroller or not even owning one. Some scoff outright at strollers, as on the holistic-oriented Web site Mothering.com, where readers have identified themselves as “anti-stroller” and labeled the device an “isolation pod.”

via Baby’s Snuggled in a Sling, but Safe? – NYTimes.com.

Why does every parenting decision need to be made into a war? This is just Gawker-fodder, people!!!

Image via Wikipedia

Corey Haim is dead, Los Angeles Police confirmed to TV station KTLA. He was 38.

Police say it is believed the actor, who had a long history of substance-abuse problems, perished from an accidental overdose at 3:30 a.m. Wednesday.

via Corey Haim, 38, Found Dead – Tributes, Corey Haim : People.com.

I’ve written about child actors before and my reluctance of letting my own gregarious child enjoy the spotlight. Stories like this only confirm my irrational (?) fear of the child actor curse. I’ve been trying to come up with a list of “normal” adults that got their start as children to compare to the tragedies. The lists are not looking so hot.

In the healthy column -

Jason Bateman

Justine Bateman (can we thank their parents for this?)

Fred Savage

Danica McKellar (something about the wholesomeness of the Wonder Years?)

Alicia Silverstone

In the cautionary tale column -

Judy Garland

Brittany Murphy

Dana Plato

Todd Bridges

Gary Coleman

Danny Bonaduce

Mackenzie Phillips

River Phoenix

Lindsay Lohan

Brad Renfro

Michael Jackson

Britney Spears

Coreys Feldman and Haim weren’t doing so hot before today’s news, but sadly Haim is now a permanent member of the club with zero chance for redemption.

Anyone in the healthy column I missed? Let’s hear some good news about this demographic for a change. Tell me who else made it to functional adulthood in comments.

“Back in my day, kids were kids! We worked out our problems on our own. We didn’t go crying to some stranger with a whole bunch of initials after his name.”

Gus was ridiculing a conversation a fellow therapist and I were having about a 13-year-old she was treating for depression and acute anxiety. I didn’t rise to his bait, but it wasn’t because I had no interest in defending my profession. Rather, as with the college guys at the other end of the bar lamenting yet another epic collapse by their beloved Jets (this was before the team got good), it was that I’d heard the complaint so often it had become tiresome.

via Cases – Fake Nostalgia for a Pre-Therapy Past – NYTimes.com.

I don’t know if you hang out with the same old codgers that I do, but this idea that today’s kids somehow have it better than any other generation (as if that’s a bad thing) seems to be whined about on a semi-regular basis. The rhetoric is kids will turn out to be “soft” rather than strong if they get support during these formative years. That assumption is not only inaccurate, it perpetuates a negative behavior pattern if that kid grows up never receiving the help he needs.

Most children exercise very little power over the decisions that affect their lives. They don’t decide who their parents are, where their family will live, where they will attend school, when they will reach puberty, who will or will not befriend them. They have limited control over their athletic skills, their looks, their wit, or whether, in the great Serengeti that is their schoolyard, they will be predator or prey. They are as much the subject of their story as its author.

At toxic moments, the insights to be gained from a professional who takes this stuff seriously (and in some instances the medications that can bring calm to chaos) are eminently useful to the child who is looking for a narrow path through some very difficult years.

via Cases – Fake Nostalgia for a Pre-Therapy Past – NYTimes.com.

Whether it’s ADD, a broken family or getting bullied on the playground; getting troubled kids through these formative years with minimal damage will pay off in spades in the long-term. Like say, when they’re teaching their own kids how to make their way in the world.

Needless to say I was blown away since, in my experience in New York, it takes two months to get your first appointment with a primary care doctor if you’re a new patient and if it’s an emergency they tell you to go the ER rather than fit you in to their overcrowded office where you fill out reams of paperwork every time you step in the door. My point is there is a massive discrepancy in the quality of health care in our country depending on your zip code. One horrifying result is the increase in maternal deaths in California.

A new report out of California found the number of women who died in the state after giving birth has nearly tripled over the past decade, from 5.6 deaths per 100,000 to 16.9 per 100,000 in 2006. The report was commissioned by the California Department of Health but has not yet been publically released. ABC News first learned of its existence from a watchdog group called “California Watch.”

Death after childbirth is still rare, but experts say many of those deaths could have been prevented. “We’ve been able to double-check the data so we can truly say there is a rise,” said Dr. Elliott Main, chairman of the California Maternal Quality Care Collaborative, which worked on the report.

“Most women died from hemorrhage, from deep vein thrombosis or blood clots, and from — this is the surprise — from underlying cardiac disease,” added Main.

via Preventing Maternal Mortality – ABC News.

The woman profiled in this story, Valerie Scythe, died after a stroke due to a blood clot reaching her brain. Scythe had a c-section and didn’t get out of bed for 30 hours. Her husband claimed her legs were “hard to the touch.” The article points out that Scythe was not outfitted with compression boots after the surgery due to the high cost of the machine. (I’m also guessing she didn’t have nurses or her doctor encouraging her to stand up and walk around if she was bed ridden for that amount of time.)

After my c-sections at St. Vincent’s (now on the verge of bankruptcy) and NYU – both in Manhattan – I was almost immediately fitted with the compression boots. It was a routine matter that Valerie Scythe’s hospital did not see as routine, and now she’s dead.

According to the World Health Organization, the U.S. ranks behind more than 40 other countries when it comes to maternal death rates, with 11 deaths per 100,000 pregnancies when measured in 2005. More women die in the U.S. after giving birth than die in countries including Poland, Croatia, Italy and Canada, to name a few.

via Preventing Maternal Mortality – ABC News.

Passing health care reform will not automatically improve the quality and consistency of care in our nation’s hospitals, but improving communication and record keeping is a big step in preventing mistakes that lead to these unacceptable statistics.  Preventative care and labor support would also help women avoid c-sections, if that is indeed what seems to be pushing the mortality rate higher.

It boggles my mind – and I can’t imagine what Valerie Scythe’s family must be feeling – that something as simple as keeping the blood flowing after major surgery to prevent blood clots is not a given. How is our health care system not broken?