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Mar. 13 2010 - 4:25 am | 2,022 views | 1 recommendation | 3 comments

Pope’s chief exorcist claims the Devil is squatting in the Vatican

Harry Potter (character)

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It’s these kinds of statements that make me wonder when the Catholic Church is finally going to implode:

CHILD sex scandals rocking the Catholic Church are proof of the Devil living in the Vatican, the Pope’s chief exorcist claims.

Father Gabriel Amorth, 84, who has carried out more than 70,000 exorcisms in 50 years, said that Pope Benedict “fully agreed” with him in “casting out evil”.

I’m sure the holy head honcho does agree with his Captain Of Exorcisms, considering the latest rounds of child abuse accusations in Germany may have personally involved the Pope, then archbishop.

It’s just easier to blame the talking snake than take personal responsibility for shuffling around kid-touchers.

This kind of institutionalized hypocrisy is nothing new, but every time another one of these accusations emerges, it is fascinating to watch Catholics scramble to blame someone — anything — other than the church itself.

Ross Douthat’s impressive contortions come to mind (h/t John Cole)

I suspect it isn’t a coincidence that the worst of the priest-abuse scandals have been concentrated in Ireland and America — and indeed, in Boston, the most Irish of American cities — rather than, say, in Italy or Poland or Latin America or Asia. There will always be priests who become predators; the question is how the Church as an institution deals with it. It hasn’t been handled all that well anywhere, I’m afraid. But the particular qualities of Irish Catholicism — qualities which were once a source of immense vitality — seem to have led to a particularly horrifying outcome.

Totally. It’s not the Church. It’s those Irish Catholics.

..Unless it’s the American Catholics. Or the German Catholics.

I mean, it’s the Devil. The Devil did it.

In a warped way, I really admire Father Gabriel Amorth. One of my secret ambitions is to list “Exorcisms” beneath the “Special Skills” part of my resume.

The Father wages these really bizarre crusades movements against unlikely foes.

“Behind Harry Potter hides the signature of the king of the darkness, the devil,” Father Gabriele Amorth, the Pope’s “caster-out of demons”, said.

You may not be “aware” of this, per se, but the Devil is constantly trying to defile your soul, and the problem is so dire that the Pope set up exorcism squads to tackle the Rise Of Satanism, which is a million times worse than the Rise Of Progressivism.

The initiative was revealed by 82-year-old Father Gabriele Amorth, the Vatican “exorcistinchief,” to the online Catholic news service Petrus.

“Thanks be to God, we have a Pope who has decided to fight the Devil head-on,” he said.

“Too many bishops are not taking this seriously and are not delegating their priests in the fight against the Devil. You have to hunt high and low for a properly trained exorcist.

The Vatican was quick to deny these charges for obvious reasons. At a time when people are dying of starvation and disease, and people are losing their jobs and homes, it might look slightly ridiculous that the Pope is using Vatican donations to chase the Devil around the planet.

Even the most generous Catholic might start to think that allowing mortals to believe they’ve been invested with BFF status by the creator of the universe, which includes carte blanche to run around a golden city dressed in funny costumes for decade…after decade… after decade, doing whatever they please (including screwing little boys) might start to warp even the keenest minds after a while. And then — bam! — Piggy is dead. Ralph is crying. No one knows where the conch shell is. Somehow, there are now Exorcism Squads.

Then again, Amorth might be right. Too many bishops are not taking the threat of Satanism seriously enough. It goes without saying that the bishops are right to ignore the child rape thing, while continuing the hopelessly antiquated attitudes toward homosexuality i.e. throwing homeless families, victims of domestic violence, and orphans under the bus in order to protest gay marriage.

But the Devil situation. That’s just too important to ignore.


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  1. collapse expand

    Geez, you know, if there was some sort of non-Catholic group of evil-spirit exterminators for hire, I’m sure the public would get behind it. And if this entrepreneurial group had high-tech ways to trap and store the evil spirits (demons, ghosts, etc.), that would be totally cool. It would be a bonus if the team drove a 1959 Cadillac Miller-Meteor limo-style end-loader combination car (ambulance conversion). I don’t know how successful they would have to be in order to set up “ghost busting franchises” across the world, but until then, who are you going to call? The Catholic Church still has the market monopoly, so there you go.

  2. collapse expand

    First of all, you need to understand that what the Pope said about the devil is not intended to relieve anybody of responsibility.

    “talking snake,” “funny costumes” …this is all out of the handbook of atheist clichés. I don’t hear this from serious commentators. But you are not stupid…I can tell by your writing, you are smarter and better than that.

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