Republicans rethink Mad Max future

Image by Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com via Flickr

Gov. Mark Sanford (R-S.C.) hates Big Gubment. He hates it so much that he once rejected $700 million of stimulus funds, saying, “We simply cannot afford to base 10 percent of our state budget on money that will disappear in two years’ time.”

Translation: Thanks, but we’d rather just have a budget hole. The feds always rush in here, spendin’ cash like they’ve got the Argentine Elopin’ Fever. No, siree. Things are fine the way they are!

It takes a brave man to reject federal stimulus money, especially when one considers South Carolina has the fourth highest unemployment rate in the country (No. 1 in the south). Side-note: according to the Children’s Defense Fund, those poor residents include 190,000 children (h/t BC), or as anti-gubment Conservatives call children, “Those Who Have Not Gotten A Job And Remain Leaches On The State.”

The extremist teabaggers, who are now the majority of the Republican Party, have a very specific attitude about poor people that can best be described as: “fuck ‘em.” They should pull themselves up by their bootstraps. See: SC Lt. Governor Andre Bauer, the man running for the Republican nomination for governor, who recently compared public assistance to feeding stray animals.

Ultimately, Sanford was overruled by the grown-ups in the Republican-controlled state legislature.

That didn’t sit well with Republican state Sen. Hugh K. Leatherman, Sr., the Senate finance chairman, who introduced a resolution in the Senate Thursday to request the money if the governor refuses it.

“Being chairman of the finance committee, I too have concerns about annualization,” Leatherman said, referring to Sanford’s concerns that the stimulus money could create financial hurdles in the future. “But I am not willing to deprive our people of maybe creating a good job for them,” Leatherman said.

Deprive the who of the what?

Someone tell Mr. Needs-To-Get-A-Clue that the new breed of Republicans don’t invest money into society or create jobs. They slash taxes for rich people and spend money on pointless wars, which is going swimmingly, thank you very much.

Just ask Colorado Springs, that “Republican red tattoo on Colorado’s purple heart,” which has totally embraced slashing taxes:

More than a third of the streetlights in Colorado Springs will go dark Monday. The police helicopters are for sale on the Internet. The city is dumping firefighting jobs, a vice team, burglary investigators, beat cops — dozens of police and fire positions will go unfilled.

The parks department removed trash cans last week, replacing them with signs urging users to pack out their own litter.

Neighbors are encouraged to bring their own lawn mowers to local green spaces, because parks workers will mow them only once every two weeks. If that.

Water cutbacks mean most parks will be dead, brown turf by July; the flower and fertilizer budget is zero.

City recreation centers, indoor and outdoor pools, and a handful of museums will close for good March 31 unless they find private funding to stay open. Buses no longer run on evenings and weekends. The city won’t pay for any street paving, relying instead on a regional authority that can meet only about 10 percent of the need.

Holy shit. I mean– move along! Nothing to see here! Big gubment is the enemy! SLASH TAXES! SLASH TAXES! PRAY TO THE GOD OF YOUR CHOICE! EAT THE WEAK!

Anyway, back to Sanford. He’s totally changed his tune and would now like some stimulus money, please.

It turns out, schools are important since children are the future, or some crap, and we’d better make ‘em smart so they can grow up to be good Democrats, who don’t slash taxes, sending the country into some terrible post-apocalyptic Mad Max “I am the Nightrider” horror.