Five Reasons Obama Can’t Be a Muslim
When Barack Obama was elected President, I congratulated him for having successfully pulled off the global islamic conspiracy (without any support from Muslims). However, a few months into the presidency, it would seem that I was wrong in thinking Obama to be affiliated with Islam. Here are five reasons why, I think, Obama cannot be a Muslim.
5 – Obama seems to get along with the Saudi royals. Most Muslims, including many Saudis, do not.
4 – Obama supports the Chicago Bears. In Islam, bears are najis, or impure i.e. getting licked by one would break one’s ritual ablution.
3 – Obama can’t put on his own traditional clothes. Muslims can do it themselves. (Not to mention that Muslims usually remove their shirt and pants before putting on such clothes).
2 – Obama’s preferred drug was weed. Most Muslims consider drugs haram; while those that do partake of them usually prefer opium instead of marijuana based substances. (Obama also showed a preference for non-Muslim Colombia over Muslim Afghanistan when he opted for cocaine over heroin).
1 – Hard to be a faithful Muslim and a faithless commie all at once.
Honorable mentions via FB friends:
Obama would be ok touching a bill that has pork;
Obama is used to having people worship him five times a day instead of the other way around.
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Love this.
This is great.
Also – any of the Muslims i’ve ever known have never planned their only vacation for the year to coincide with the beginning of Ramadan. (hey if you’re going to self-abnegate, what’s a better time than while working?)
Wait, I thought he was a godless Nazi. Too hard to keep the conspiracy theories confused.
HAHA. Awesome.
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He cant be a Muslim because he called Kanye West a “jackass” and Kanye West is a Muslim according to the Muslamism theory.
Barack Obama can’t be a Muslim because a lot of Americans are concerned about whether he might get killed or not.
[...] 2- Yay, Ali Eteraz is blogging again and I’m sorry that I didn’t know it sooner, but he was shy of the limelight for a long time. Anyhow, here’s a funny post with Five Reasons President Obama Can’t be Muslim. [...]