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Sep. 16 2009 - 1:50 pm | 325 views | 2 recommendations | 8 comments

Five Reasons Obama Can’t Be a Muslim

When Barack Obama was elected President, I congratulated him for having successfully pulled off the global islamic conspiracy (without any support from Muslims). However, a few months into the presidency, it would seem that I was wrong in thinking Obama to be affiliated with Islam. Here are five reasons why, I think, Obama cannot be a Muslim.

5 – Obama seems to get along with the Saudi royals. Most Muslims, including many Saudis, do not.


4 – Obama supports the Chicago Bears. In Islam, bears are najis, or impure i.e. getting licked by one would break one’s ritual ablution.


3 – Obama can’t put on his own traditional clothes. Muslims can do it themselves. (Not to mention that Muslims usually remove their shirt and pants before putting on such clothes).


2 – Obama’s preferred drug was weed. Most Muslims consider drugs haram; while those that do partake of them usually prefer opium instead of marijuana based substances. (Obama also showed a preference for non-Muslim Colombia over Muslim Afghanistan when he opted for cocaine over heroin).


1 – Hard to be a faithful Muslim and a faithless commie all at once.


Honorable mentions via FB friends:

Obama would be ok touching a bill that has pork;

Obama is used to having people worship him five times a day instead of the other way around.


4 T/S Member Comments Called Out, 8 Total Comments
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  1. collapse expand

    This is great.

    Also – any of the Muslims i’ve ever known have never planned their only vacation for the year to coincide with the beginning of Ramadan. (hey if you’re going to self-abnegate, what’s a better time than while working?)

  2. collapse expand

    Wait, I thought he was a godless Nazi. Too hard to keep the conspiracy theories confused.

  3. collapse expand

    He cant be a Muslim because he called Kanye West a “jackass” and Kanye West is a Muslim according to the Muslamism theory.

  4. collapse expand

    Barack Obama can’t be a Muslim because a lot of Americans are concerned about whether he might get killed or not.

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